I’m supposed to be protecting you, but you’re always being reckless.

 
Timeline/World: Through the Looking Glass – Atheria 1st Generation
Characters: Eiji Kusanagi
Race: Human – Meta
Age: 90, physically about 24
Current residence: Atheria City, Eresiel
Final Word Count: 791 words
 

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Lately, I’ve been having dreams of a life that I’m sure is not mine. A life that makes little sense. A life filled with jungles and primitive means of everything though I say primitive and it isn’t quite just. A life of few words—though that isn’t very different from the norm—and a life surrounded by animals. These animals are mostly big cats and somehow, I seem to have an affinity with these big cats.

Reflective surfaces are rare, so I’ve yet to be able to see my reflection other than in a pool of water. The main difference seems to be that my hair is so much longer than I’ve ever cared to have it. When I feel my face with my fingers, I feel little that is different except for what feels like a scar on my forehead. My twin seems to be there too, though he’s never close enough—in the dreams—that I can truthfully claim that it truly is him. There is something on his forehead, but his hair seems to be as long as mine and it seems to hide that mark—whatever it is.

The heat is oppressive, it feels like, but it is comforting in its own way, as though I’m used to it and have lived with it all of my life. The others are there too, though I’ve also only seen them in passing. At least, they feel familiar to the me in the dreams and I assume that it is them; there certainly are similarities, in the end. Similarities and a pull that, I’m not going to deny, I feel every single day here.

In the most recent dreams, as they’ve been coming on and off for the past few months, there was this tiger cub; at least it looked like a tiger cub, though the colours felt a little wrong. Then again, it could have been the general feel of things and the fact that it feels real and yet, deeper down, I know it just isn’t, right? Right. Anyway.

This cub, it feels like it could have been around the six-month stage of its life, big but nowhere near the size of the parent that should and probably was somewhere around. I found myself following that cub around every so often, in the dream. There was a protective need in me to keep the little bugger safe, but it always was getting in trouble, running to places that didn’t feel safe, just generally being reckless which, you know, at that age, I’m sure it was normal.

Every time I would find it in a spot that it had issues getting back out of, I remember how frustrated I felt with it, over the fact that I claimed I was supposed to be protecting it and yet, well yeah, always running off. Not that it got me anywhere with it and it would be running off moments after I’d get it out of its spot.

At certain points in the dreams, it just makes me think that it might not have its parents anymore, which is probably why it stays around with us and why I feel so protective over it. No that I know why I feel so protective, it’s like I know what goes through its mind, as though somehow, I might be aware of what it is like growing up as a big cat but that makes no sense to me.

I’ve heard stories of children being raised by wolves, but that’s just the one thing and I don’t know how true, or not, it might be. In the end though, every morning I wake up following one of the dreams, I have to remind myself that it is just a dream, that, although it feels so very real, and while I know that alternate realities are very likely a thing, this feels very far from what could be an alternate reality based on a decision I made at some point in my life. I just don’t know.

I can’t complain about the dreams. They do leave me a little baffled about things when I wake up, but that confusion only lasts a few moments before I let it go and go about my day as usual. Dreams are just that, in the end; they’re dreams and while some might be meaningful, considering what I used to do for a living before, dreams like these won’t have a lasting effect on me.

Sure, I might wonder as to what that life is like a little, out of curiosity more than out of any need to really know more about things, but it still really just is one of those things in the long run.

I’d say I’ve been pretty forgiving. Do you not agree?

 
Timeline/World: Through the Looking Glass – Atheria 1st Generation
Characters: Eiji Kusanagi
Race: Human – Meta
Age: 89, physically about 24
Final Word Count: 697 words
 

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On some days, I feel as though my memories are mangled; I remember mountain retreats where the air was cold and biting and we had to huddle under heated blankets by the fireplace to warm up and my fingers and toes gave me no issues. I know that these memories are from after the return, and yet, I have vague memories of my childhood where the cold was already somewhat uncomfortable but it was only after we first met our pairs that my issues with the cold really became a problem. I don’t know what to think.

I’m more than aware that Yamah craves the heat like no other; he’s the type who struts around nearly naked in the stifling summer heat because he just loves it. That sort of heat makes me miserable, I’m more comfortable when I can cool down some but, again, I can only handle so much cold because my poor circulation makes me lose feeling in my extremities really quickly.

I just don’t know what to think.

When I get confused by my own thoughts this way, I tend to try and focus on something else and, when the weather permits, ‘something else’ usually involves yard work. I don’t have to clean the pool, because it’s a natural pool and it filters itself out perfectly fine; there isn’t much lawn to mow and that’s only in the later season because most of what grows, isn’t grass so I usually end up either pulling some rare weeds or, for the most part, dealing with old, sick trees at the far side of the property line. That or bugs.

Bugs were my latest issue at this point. Spring warmth had drawn in earlier this year and most of the snow was already gone, I couldn’t complain about that. What I could complain about, however, were the ants. They were a problem every year and we had to treat every year. After each treatment, we were pretty much fine until autumn when a second treatment was required but that usually was all we had to do with the ant issues.

Except, last year, or well, last winter, thus also into the beginning of this year, that didn’t work out so well. All winter, we somehow found ants, not a whole colony, mind you, but we’d spot one or two every week. Not much, but still enough for a mild frustration and being the arsehole I know I can be now and again, I’d actually manage to snag them up and throw them out into the snow because I don’t actually like crushing ants. The little crunch sound they get crushed just does weird things to me. You think I wouldn’t have issues when you consider what I did for a living while I was still out there.

So, in a way, I see myself as having been pretty forgiving. Throwing them out there and all. Someone will tell me I’m cruel and that just prolongs their suffering but if they’d stayed out of the house, this wouldn’t have happened.

When things started thawing, however, we had a nearly whole colony coming in, one day. I got up one morning, went into the kitchen and found a full line from somewhere near one of the windows, a line that made it into the kitchen and there was a swarm on the counter where we had fruits sitting in a bowl at room temperature. I told myself that this was going too far, I said nope, I put away every dish or cutlery item I didn’t want to have to deal with and I just sprayed the whole kitchen. I’d been pretty forgiving up until that point, but to have a whole army in our kitchen this early in the morning was far too much.

For the next hour, I plugged up the little spot I found in the window they had been crawling in from, I swept up dead ants and I deep-cleaned everything the spray had touched. Early spring cleaning for the fail, but it had been a necessity, what else could I have done? At least, now, the whole kitchen has been sanitized.

Are they all so old?

 
Timeline/World: Atheria – 1st Generation
Characters: Eiji Kusanagi
Race: Human – Meta
Age: 88, physically about 24
Final Word Count: 652 words
 

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I’ve never been good with archaeology or anything that might deal with things that are older than my memory might remember easily. That’s not to say my memory is bad, though it’s not the greatest. I can be honest about that. I don’t remember much of what my life was like before we came here, to this place. I remember the dark, I remember the pull away, I remember working in the morgue, what I don’t remember is why the place had a morgue to begin with and no… that’s not right, it wasn’t the place that had a morgue, it had something similar and the place was giving me nightmares and it was terrible.

I’ll be honest, for as long as I could remember, I thought I was a demon. I don’t know why, I know even Yamah believed that he was one too. I don’t know where that false knowledge came from. I suppose it’s down to when we met up with our cousins again that our family line was cleared up. Even to this day, I’m still not fully certain as to what I truly am, besides a human with a gift of sorts but that gift was never truly defined.

A few years ago, out of a need to get away from the house for a while, we set up a getaway. The destination was random, all I knew was the general idea of the temperature and weather we’d be dealing with, the rest was up to the randomizer in the system. We ended up going to a place with old ruins and square-like pyramids, humid jungle heat and more history than I could imagine there ever being in a single place.

Now, I’ve mentioned that history has never been my strong point and I never imagined myself wanting to visit a museum or a place like this one but there was a sort of pull in that place. Sure, we roamed a bit, we discovered the area where we were settled but eventually, we did visit the ruins and it was surprisingly eye-opening. The carvings on the walls, the story of the place, the remains of a life long since passed on, it almost made me cherish what I had a little more. To think that maybe in a few thousand years, our little home as we know it might be just like that, it’s frightening. Everything was just so old and likely forgotten.

I mean, I know that we’re likely to live close to forever with the shields and everything in place but will our minds truly be able to handle that amount of time alive? I’ve seen what it’s done to some people who’ve had more than one lifetime to live through. Then again, I’ve also seen other, much older beings who’ve made it this far just fine; I suppose it depends on the person.

It’s hard to imagine what might happen to us in the long run. We’ve already had a good, long life here. I’m not ready for that life to be over. There’s still so much to discover and so much to try, but I know that there are mornings when I just don’t feel like getting out of bed because it’s one of those days. Because it feels as though everything might be pointless and ‘what’s another day?’ thing. Those tend to pass relatively quickly, at least.

That visit to these ruins, I feel like it sparked in me something that had lost some of its will. I think I needed a reminder that there is so much out there. It made me want to travel a little more and we’ve headed out to similar places once a year since. Not so much to study the ruins and learn more, just to take in the past in a general sort of way. I find it pretty amazing, honestly.

My fingers are numb and I dread going back inside; the feeling that follows was always the worst.

Timeline/World: Atheria 1st Generation
Characters: Eiji Kusanagi
Race: Demon
Age: 86, physically about 24
Final Word Count: 516 words

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I’ve never been fond of winter. Oh sure, now it’s not so bad, settle in, cuddle up, nestle and be comfortable but before, even now still to a point, I’ve never liked it. The reasons are pretty simple too. The main reason is the one that makes it a complete frustration… I have poor blood circulation.

Wearing gloves doesn’t do me a lick of good. I’ve tried to wear mittens and the result is just about the same, it takes me about five minutes outside before my fingers go numb. Normally, I can shove my hands way deep in my pockets, while wearing the gloves or the mittens and I get a bit more time before I start to lose the feeling in my fingers. My toes take a little longer but they’re seriously protected and don’t get me started on the tip of my nose.

Stepping back inside after having been outside for a while is the worst though, that sensation of all those frozen bits thawing. It’s like everything is burning until it all settles back to a proper temperature but it’s so uncomfortable that it has made me something of a mock hermit in winter. I let my brother and the guys do the shopping and I tend to only step out if I absolutely have to.

Sure, on somewhat warmer winter days, I’ll be plenty happy to bundle up for a walk, I can admit that it is invigorating to feel the coolness all around, I just wish it wouldn’t latch onto my fingers and nose so quickly, it really is the one thing I have issues with. I can’t help that.

There are even some mornings when the house is just sort of chilly, comfortable for everyone but me and I’ll step into the shower, feeling that still lukewarm water burn as though it was boiling hot. That too takes a while to warm back up to and I just don’t know what I should be doing to stop it from happening. I don’t know that it’s possible. I’ve tried a few different things but my circulation is poor and it might very well just remain that way until the end of times.

It’s not that much of an issue, at least for three months of the year and I only half complain about it in the winter because I don’t want to be the one who whines about everything and who needs everything to be different from everyone else. I can live with the thaw sensation, I just find means to keep my fingers and toes warm by wearing extra layers and that’s that, really.

I’m not even sure if I’ve always been like this or if this is some sort of left-over side effects from winter missions where we couldn’t bundle up warmly enough because too many layers would make us ‘puff’ up and we’d be visible. That would have made our job a little more difficult than it already was but that was so long ago, forever ago really and I don’t think about the past much.

Lacklustre

Timeline/World: Atheria 1st Generation
Characters: Eiji Kusanagi
Race: Demon
Age: 86, physically about 24
Final Word Count: 561 words

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‘Meh’ was the word, and that in itself isn’t even a word, that came to mind as I finished watching an old video, a sports game from long before the world came to a crashing end.

I don’t know if it was their performance or just my age and the passage of time that made them seem uninspiring. I used to love watching these, the running left and right, the kicking of the ball back and forth, a pass here, an almost flying kick there.

Recently though, I suppose I haven’t had much interest in watching people kick that black and white ball around. It’s that or the recent performances I’ve been watching were all missing a little something to make them really catch my attention. I suppose I might never know.

Maybe I’ll turn to another sport but I think it’s just watching television as a whole. My attention in it has waned. We still get new and interesting things to watch, really, new animated series, remakes of old ones in just about the nearly identical style but with smoother animation, clearer colours and the rest but it still doesn’t really call to me.

I remember when I was younger, much younger, before we even came in contact with anyone who is part of our lives now, I’d spend hours sitting in front of our small television set, usually watching whatever sports I could get my hands on, but now and again I’d just be glued there, sitting in front of the thing and playing old games.

It honestly feels like forever ago and I suppose it is, in a way. I don’t know that I’d want to go back in time. I don’t really miss all those wasted afternoons, though I’m sure my younger self would exclaim that it wasn’t wasted time, that it helped me develop my then growing muscles and just, you know what, that’s sorta bullshit. Though maybe it isn’t completely bullshit but it’s not really that far off.

Can someone really get reflexes from playing fighting video games? When you look at it in this particular way, I’d say it makes sense, in a way, but I still wouldn’t really call it working on my reflexes when all I wanted back then was to focus on what was in front of the screen in front of me and forget everything else that surrounded us.

For what is running through my blood, I admit that my childhood was actually relatively okay. I’ve heard of others who grew up underground or in caves, only coming out of there when they were old enough to procreate or some other bullshit but not so much in our family.

It wasn’t grand, we didn’t live in any fancy way but we still had the freedom of most other kids who also lived in our hometown and the only rule we really had to follow was to keep our mouths shut about what we were. That wasn’t really hard. I never wanted anyone to find out what I was, my brother was the same. We’d play-told a friend when we’d been younger and our parents had to dispose of him because he talked too much.

And all of this rambling because I didn’t like this one soccer game on the television. Wow. Maybe I am getting old. This is sad.