So you’re telling me that they turned into a dog and you haven’t been able to turn them back?

Timeline/World: Through the Looking Glass – Atheria 3rd Generation
Current Date: January 22, 2058

Character: Leah Linsang
Race: Halfling – Human / Peace
Age: 39, physically about 18
Current residence: Atheria City, Eresiel
 

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I’m limited in my activities but it doesn’t mean that I just sit around and do nothing at all with my time. I don’t know that I would manage my sanity very well if that’s what I was limited to. That or being stuck on bed rest. That happened often enough while I was growing up, I’m just glad I don’t have to deal with it anymore. I haven’t been sick in a while and I’m more than a little grateful for it. That might sound strange, though maybe not, but I don’t like spending all that much time in bed, even when I might have something to occupy myself with.

Crochet, knitting, reading, listening to audiobooks, colouring since I’m not great at creating art from scratch, simple things that I’ve tried over the years and that I do like. I’m not so bad at cooking and baking but I certainly can’t do any of that in bed, can I? Even so, I prefer to settle either in a sunny spot or on the couch most of the time when I’m doing something relaxing.

I alternate, too. For a while, I’ll work with yarn, or I’ll do cross-stitching, then I’ll move to something else like reading for a few months. After that, it’s possibly diamond art, colouring books, something.

At this particular point in time, I’ve settled back into reading and while I don’t read very fast, I’d like to think that I’ve managed to read a good collection of books so far in my life. Most of them were usually with a bit of a fantasy theme because it’s what appealed the most. Not all of what I’ve read has been great, furthest from, I’d even say.

There is a sort of sub-genre, I guess, that centres mainly around magic but not the kind I like; it’s hard to explain. I don’t really like dark stories though I know that a lot of stories will have at least a little ‘dark’ to them, even if that ‘dark’ isn’t really all that bad, sad, or evil? I guess evil is closer to the term I’m trying to find but it doesn’t matter. I guess I’m more the prince and princess, elves, horses and castles in forests type of fantasy than a lot of other things.

One of the books I managed to read recently—and I do mean managed, I nearly put it away for good three times, it was hard reading—was about these people who discovered their powers only when they turned a certain age, it was really dark with vampires—which I don’t honestly mind reading about every now and again—but it was a sort of violent book. There was a lot of fighting with a few snippets for laughs here and there.

At one point, one of the side characters whose story I was barely able to keep up with, is talking to another character who is even less important to the story about how a friend of theirs has turned into a dog and they have no idea how to turn them back. It had nothing to do with the story itself. It added nothing to the story and taking that little tidbit out would have possibly just allowed for everything to flow just as fine.

It wasn’t the only thing in the book that was like that but it’s one of the main ones that I do remember and I don’t know that it’s a good thing to remember. All these little extras took away from the main story and I’m honestly not even sure if it’s these, or the story itself, that made it hard for me to finish actually just reading the whole thing.

As it is, it’s been put back into the system, I’ve marked it in my list as a do-not-recommend, not that I think that anyone uses my list to base themselves on though I could be wrong, and I don’t know that I’ll read from this author again, either. I mean, it would only be fair to give them a second chance, I know. So, in the long run, I will very likely give it another try and see if I don’t enjoy some of the other books the author has written but let me be a little meh about that one. It could have been a lemon but I’m not really holding my breath on the other books being any better.

I’ve given other authors second chances like this and it’s been fairly rare that I’ve liked them any better on the second or even third try than I’d done so on the first.

Final Word Count: 776

The comfort of your hand against my cheek is all I need right now.

 
Timeline/World: Through the Looking Glass – Atheria 3rd Generation
Characters: Leah Linsang
Race: Halfling – Human / Peace
Age: 37, physically about 18
Current residence: Atheria City, Eresiel
Final Word Count: 772 words
 

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Nightmares aren’t all that common, but they’ve come to be a little more so since that last partial nightmare I recall from a couple of months ago. I don’t know if it was because I couldn’t remember them at all or because that particular night has unlocked something in my brain, but I don’t like it, not really. Almost once a week now, I wake up with a start, I stare into the nothingness that is the darkness of our bedroom and I wait for the fear to pass.

I can’t recall for absolutely certain if I wake him or not when I wake in that way, but I know that when I wake him, all I need to soothe me back to sleep, is the comfort of his hand against my cheek, his presence next to me. The sound of his breathing as I settle back down again.

The thing is, I don’t even know if I can call these things nightmares. Why? The moment more than a mere few seconds have passed, something seems to switch in my brain, and I can’t even remember what woke me. I still feel a vague sense of either fear or emotional—more than physical—pain but I can’t tell its source.

Most of the time I can simply turn back over, settle carefully back down against him, and drift off again, so they don’t truly leave me exhausted but they still break the sleeping cycle and I know that once we’re properly awake, neither one of us is as rested as we should be.

If this keeps up for much longer, I know I’ll have to possibly head in to talk to someone. I’m not afraid or worried about the idea of talking to a doctor; they’ve been part of my life for so long that I know I can trust them; I just wish it wouldn’t have to come to that. Why is my brain acting out in this way and what is it that I’ve done, or forgotten to do, that has triggered this behaviour?

I think that, if at least, I could remember what these potential nightmares that wake me up at night were about, I could do something about it but the thought of them fades so fast from my mind that I don’t know that I can do anything about it at this point. Though just last week, I know what woke me and I still struggle to come to terms with how my brain has fabricated that particular story.

With my health as it is—though I’ve gotten to be much better and stronger over the years—there is a lot I can’t do. One of those things, and the thing my brain came up with during its dream scape, is cliff jumping. I can swim but only just barely so. I can doggy paddle around and I would much rather be settled with pool noodles just mostly floating around than anything else when I’m in the pool.

In the last nightmare, I wasn’t so much just jumping off that high cliff on the far side of this place, I had been pushed. I could feel myself falling, falling, falling. It was like the fall had no end and as I don’t really know how long that fall truly takes, I figure that my mind must have been set on making itself believe that I could fall forever.

I woke up as I hit the water. I had been flailing during that fall and I was in no position to enter that water cleanly. I know that much from having watched others a few times. In a straight line either up or down, the water is deep enough at the base that it is safe even at low tide. I landed in that water nearly in a star pattern and, well, that’s when I woke up. My whole body aching terribly for a few moments and I think that this is why I remember this one at least vaguely. The physical pain of it was overwhelming and I know I woke up Dustin with my terrified and pained sobbing.

How do you even explain that you hurt because you just belly-flopped—in a manner of speaking—from far too high up, in your dream? I don’t think I could even formulate the words for a good half hour at which point I think I drifted back off because when I came to again it was brighter and not quite mid-morning but not far off.

I don’t need these nightmares in my life, I really don’t.

Not a day goes by where I don’t think of you. Where I don’t miss you. Come home soon, okay?

 
Timeline/World: Through the Looking Glass – Atheria 3rd Generation
Characters: Leah Linsang
Race: Halfling – Human / Peace
Age: 37, physically about 18
Final Word Count: 748 words
 

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It’s strange, the dreams that come and go. I mean, most of the time, I don’t really remember my dreams because I know I must dream. Everyone dreams, right? Right. So I’m not really all that bothered when I can’t recall my dreams but some of the ones that do remember confuse me for their meaningless tone or their sad and lost tone that mean so little to me.

Though the dream from last night was closer to a nightmare than a dream and I wish I didn’t remember it. It was a wet day, in the dream. Maybe a wet night. I was sitting in a window seat somewhere, it wasn’t home because it didn’t look like home and the view from the window was something out of science fiction and that’s saying something. There were other huge buildings and there were lit-up paths at certain levels that I could see and I think there were spaceships following these lit-up paths. Science fiction.

The pane of glass that kept me dry from the rain was dotted with plenty of little splotches, those splotches held a strange rainbow tint to them but I think that might have been the window. The whole place felt soft of empty and cold, almost empty of people but I was there, so that had to count for something, right?

I remember how there was this pain in my chest and I just felt so lonely and I kept on looking at this lit-up pad that looks a lot like the ones we use around the house. I can’t remember what was written on it, I just remember that my tears were on there because I was crying and I kept on repeating that there wasn’t a day when I didn’t think of him; that I didn’t miss him. That I hoped he would come home soon but the whole tone of the dream made it clear that he possibly wasn’t coming home soon.

That he possibly wasn’t coming home at all.

I don’t know what to make of the whole thing. I don’t like the idea of Dustin not being at my side. I like even less the idea of him not being at my side because he might have died but in that dream-nightmare, it almost felt like he hadn’t so much died as he’d left. Had he left because he had found someone else—something that I admit I’ve pondered now and again, I’m sickly, not much fun to be around as I see it—or had he been called away to some mission and he was potentially missing in action?

There are so many options to choose from, the dream-nightmare does have that strange vibe that it could almost be a choose-your-own-adventure thing but I don’t want that. I don’t. All ending options sound as if they could be bad. Death, abandonment, forgotten. All I truly remember from last night was that I felt so achingly lonely and cold and lost. I recall vaguely roaming what was a clearly lived-in but still empty apartment with little to no signs that he might have been around any time recently. All I did was roam and cry and beg him to come home.

Looking back, that might very well be the kind of behaviour I might have if it ever comes down to this. I know it won’t, at least, I hope with all of my might that things will never turn out in any such way but if he ever were to somehow be removed from my life, I know I wouldn’t be able to move on. I would rather waste away than try to survive on my own when I know I’m incomplete with him.

I’m sure he’d like to try and convince me otherwise but I don’t know that I can be swayed from that mindset at this point. He’s half of my soul, how do you even live with half of your soul missing? I don’t think it can be done. I might be thinking a little dramatically this morning but I can’t help it. I know I won’t be keeping that dream-nightmare to myself, I’ll let him know about it when he’s more awake and when we’ve had a few hours to settle into the day. Throwing that thing at him first thing in the morning is hardly a smart idea and I’m smarter than that.

I’m so sorry for what I have to do.

 
Timeline/World: Atheria – 3rd Generation
Characters: Leah Linsang
Race: Halfling – Human / Peace
Age: 35, physically about 18
Final Word Count: 567 words
 

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The loss of a pet, when you’re young and you don’t really know better, isn’t easy. It’s actually quite the opposite, even if that pet was the first and last goldfish you’ve ever had. When it happened, Dad kept on looking between me and the fish when I asked him to come and take a look because she hadn’t been eating for a while and it was clear there was something wrong but I couldn’t understand any of it.

Then again, I think I might have been four or so, I don’t know that at that age one understands death yet. There was already a whole lot of things I couldn’t do that other kids could, and I know this should have frustrated me but it didn’t, not that I can recall. It’s almost as though there was an innate knowledge in me that I was different, that I wasn’t quite like everyone else so this goldfish was my doorway to fun.

So her death was difficult and Dad’s soft words as he apologized for what he had to do stayed with me. It might have been his tone more than anything else and when Papa asked me if I wanted another one, I said no.

Do I regret not having any other pets while I grew up? I don’t actually know. By that point, I had Dennis who also held my attention a lot of the time. Not to say my brother was like a pet, furthest from, but he was so different—just like Molly was—that he had my attention more than any goldfish could ever have. It wasn’t until I was around eight or nine that I realized that it was neither Dennis nor Molly who was different, I was the one who was different from the others and while it might have bothered me for a while, I overcame that obstacle with a little help.

Now, I do have pets again and, with some newer discoveries and treatments still, my health isn’t as much ‘on the edge’ as it used to be. I still wear out easily but I don’t get sick as quickly or as often as I used to. The pets were and still are Dustin’s addition to our little family. Hedgehogs are adorable and they’re surprisingly resilient, I mean, they have to be so they can deal with being handled by us, don’t they?

I remember marvelling at that one fact. I never really had been able to touch my goldfish. I could watch it swim back and forth in its little round tank, I could watch it chase its food when I fed it but I couldn’t play with it, not really. Finding out that I could actually play with pets was something that brought such a bright point into my life; I can’t even begin to put it into words. Then again, I don’t think I need to, there’s no necessity, not really.

All of this because I woke up from a dream, this morning. A sad dream about having to bury a pet that had passed on, old age claiming its worn body. It made me remember how sad Dad looked when he had to deal with my goldfish’s passing, how much I was crying and how inconsolable I was back then. I think I’ll visit today; I haven’t in a few weeks.

Can you make me one too?

Timeline/World: Atheria 3rd Generation
Characters: Leah Linsang
Race: Halfling – Human / Peace
Age: 34, physically about 18
Final Word Count: 552 words

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Growing up sickly was frustrating most of the time. Considering her genetics, she should have been as healthy as everyone else but there just had been an issue somewhere along the way. Leah knows it’s hardly because she’s a girl, Molly is fine and healthy, so it likely came from a slip during her growth in the tube. Not that they haven’t tried again and again to fix it up but it was a lost cause from the beginning and she doesn’t mind so much, at least on most days. At other times, frustration rises and she wonders just what life would be like if she was stronger. Healthier.

Not being able to be out and about with the other kids her age wasn’t much of an issue before school started but once school did start, a certain sort of loneliness took root in her chest, even with those who came and spent some time with her. It often felt forced and it left her feeling hollow inside. Dustin was different from the others but he was also older than her. He was patient and nice and sweet and there always was a smile for her, always.

To keep herself busy during the colder months when her health was near constantly teetering on the edge if she spent too long outside while not bundled up quite enough, she started quilling. It was a small thing at first, little flowers, little bugs, small animals. As time went by, her creations became bigger; she created whole scenes out of paper strips she rolled and pinched and placed just so with just a little dab of glue. It was something she did to keep herself occupied.

So it was rather to her surprise that she’d been approached one afternoon, asked if she could quill something up for a card for someone. It had never crossed her mind that someone, anyone would be interested in her work. Leah had been so sure that no one had even noticed her work, at least, no one but Dustin but he was different, he’d always been different.

It only took her a short while to create the design she’d been asked for and the bright, pleased smile she was offered in thanks as she gave the card over made her soar. Maybe she wasn’t so useless after all. Maybe there were things she could do that would make her feel like not such a recluse, or at the very least, not so different from the others.

She knows that each and every one of them is different but she feels even more different than the others. This health thing going on with her is going to follow her to the end of days, though it’s not quite as bad now as it was in her youth and she just doesn’t know if it’s because her genes have finally settled or one of the now and again treatments have done her good. Not that it really matters.

Quilling is a soothing way to pass time and she loses herself in the whole process when she does get started. Most of her projects tend to be of a surprising size nowadays and she only lets herself be swept into them only if she absolutely needs to and that has become rare.

Simplicity

Timeline/World: Atheria 3rd Generation
Characters: Leah Linsang
Race: Halfling – Human / Peace
Age: 33, physically about 18
Final Word Count: 558 words

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My life has held challenges. I don’t know why me and not someone else though I know it’s not just me and I don’t mind. I learned to adapt to my limits and while it was something more than a little difficult at first, as the years went by, things just settled and it was mostly smooth sailing.

That’s not to say my life doesn’t have its roller coaster moments where I might wake up feeling short of breath one morning but those moments are surprisingly rare now. I think my body adapted to its own limits as well and now well I just wear down a little faster but I haven’t really had big issues, not anything close to the way I did while growing up.

So I live my life in a way that I simply could be considered simple. Now and again I push a little further, not wanting Dustin to feel like he always has to keep to my pace when I know there are things he’d like to do. I love him, with all of my heart I do and I would want no one else at my side but still to this day now and then I feel like I’m holding him back and it’s frustrating.

Most of the time it’s not an issue, but I’m just thinking back on two days ago, I was out back, just sitting under the shade of one of the trees, leaning over to pluck weeds from the flower bed and I had to stop ever half hour or so for a breath, I’d normally have been able to keep going for a small while longer but it just wasn’t happening yesterday. I wanted to be done by the time he came back but that wasn’t happening.

It’s all these little things. I wish I push my limits a little further but even talking to the docs, there’s not much that can be done about it. I don’t think it would be worth bothering Vivian’s about. Leann seems to manage just fine herself so I don’t see why I shouldn’t.

We get together now and again, just to talk, exchange tips and tricks about how we do things and how far we can go on certain things without getting winded. It feels good to honestly have someone like this I can talk to, someone like me.

I don’t know why I was born the way I was. I don’t know why anyone is born the way they are. There isn’t much to do but live with it to the best of my abilities and I think I’m doing that well. Some frustrations aside on a few small things that happen, I’m happy with my lot in life. I have Dustin, I have friends, my parents, I have a beautiful garden, a single storey home because going up and down stairs is a bit too much for me on some bad days though I’ve been thinking about discussing a second floor with him, it could be our bedroom with windows all around. On days when I’m too tired to make it back up those stairs, I could just sleep on the couch… or I know he’d carry me back upstairs anyway.

So you know… I think I’m going to do that. It’s time for a small change.