Was it worth all that time and patience you supposedly had?

Timeline/World: Through the Looking Glass – Atheria 3rd Generation
Current Date: July 31, 2058

Character: Sofia Lauroyal
Race: Halfling – Elf (moon) / Human
Age: 48, physically about 24
Current residence: Atheria City, Eresiel
 

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Three years ago, I tried my hand at knitting. For some reason, it turned out to be one of the more difficult things I’d ever tried. It feels strange to be even thinking that because I like trying new things every so often for the challenge and while I don’t always succeed to a point of pride in whatever I’ve tried, I’ve never felt like giving up quite like knitting made me feel.

I still persevered with that project because I wanted to make Mom a shawl for Christmas.

I didn’t manage to finish the shawl for Christmas, I ended up making something else for her, but I still, eventually, finished the piece itself and yes, I gave it to her, three months later, as a belated Christmas gift because I had made it for her and I’d wanted her to have it.

After that, I mostly set knitting off to the side and just focused on doing what I really loved with the soap and cleaning supply boutique. Mixing scents, discovering new ones, making cold-pressed soaps and the rest, it’s just something that has held my attention this long and I hope to never really grow tired of it. I don’t know what I’d be doing with myself if that was the case, in the long run. For certain holidays, I opt for particular scent mixes more than others because it seems as though it’s the right thing to do and there are never two days that are the same. I like things just like that.

Earlier this spring, right by the end of May, beginning into June, I found myself gravitating back towards all that yarn I still had stashed away and the needles I’d almost thrown out the door when I’d finished mom’s shawl. She’d loved it, by the way, I’ve seen her wearing it every so often when it gets chilly out and it makes the whole thing feel just worth it.

I’m not going to lie, during the whole shawl-making process, I kept on asking myself if it all felt worth it. If it had been worth all the time and patience that I poured into it because, let’s be honest, almost daily, as I was working on it, little by little, I kept on telling myself that she’d probably hate it, even though deep down I knew better. I felt that all of my efforts would go to waste and yet, it didn’t.

When I brought the yarn out, I looked at the needles, set them aside, and searched the system for some other ways to work with yarn. There were a few. Making rugs and other things with yarn came up, as well as crochet and while it looked just as complicated as knitting, for some reason, it didn’t really seem like it was. It was a two-handed process still, but it seemed just so different that I found myself giving it a try.

Now, I can’t claim that I’m perfect with this whole crochet thing and that I’m so much better at that than I was at knitting. I’m not. I do so happen to find that I have an easier time of crochet than I do knitting. I haven’t dropped any stitches, though I’ve doubled a few here and there, but I’ve been much less frustrated with it than I was with knitting.

Am I going to keep up with it? I don’t know that I will. I still have some yarn scraps from the shawl project I’d done for Mom, and I think this is mostly why I picked up the crochet hooks. I don’t like waste. I know that I could have dropped the scraps into the system, and they’d have done something for it, but they were my scraps and it only made sense that I would be the one to use them up.

Could I very simply have just done things up like pompoms for decorations and bracelets and whatnot? Probably. Would those pompoms, if I’d opted for that, have been used anywhere at all? Not really. I don’t look down on people who think yarn pompoms are cute and use them in places but it’s just not my kind of thing and if I made any, they’d have ended up in a bag or a small box somewhere, taking up spaces and just gathering dust.

I don’t know if there are others like that in our community though I’m sure most of us are mindful about our waste and the rest, but I really don’t like to waste anything and pompoms gathering dust seems like such a huge waste. So, I ended up making little things like cute coasters that while not perfect, are still plenty cute to be used and I made something that resembles a bit of a dream catcher, but it’s all made with my left over scraps of yarn and it now hangs as a decoration.

All the yarn I had, has now been used up. The knitting needles were dropped back into the system for recycling, but I’ve kept the hooks, who knows, they take up so little space, I might use them again.

Final Word Count: 861

Are you asking me for help? Me? You have more magic than you know what to do with!

 
Timeline/World: Through the Looking Glass – Atheria 3rd Generation
Characters: Sofia Lauroyal
Race: Halfling – Elf (moon) / Human
Age: 46, physically about 24
Current residence: Atheria City, Eresiel
Final Word Count: 785 words
 

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The mind is a strange thing. Memories are about just as strange, if not stranger. I suppose it’s not that bad of a thing, but it’s still a little odd when, at times, you’re just minding your own business and something that happened while you were young just crops right up into the front and centre spot of your mind, out of nowhere, with no rhyme or reason to it at all.

I’m not even sure I remember properly what it was that I was doing at the time. It’s highly possible I was at Oza’s shop, it’s where I end up spending most of my working hours. I work at the back, figuring out scents or preparing one batch or another of cold-pressed soap. It’s soothing as can be and I like figuring out scents, it’s just one of those things. I mean, it has to be a good thing that I’ve technically found myself, right? Right.

But yeah, I think I might have been working back there when, just out of nowhere, I remembered one of the games I used to play in my room when I was still just so very young. All I can think of is that one of the scents I recently mixed up brought me back to that day. I remember being a little peculiar about what scents were in my room as I was growing up. It always had to be a little floral but not much, it had to have a certain… something to it. I later learned that it was likely my heritage on mom’s side that made me seek out these particular mixed scents, but they weren’t exactly common in every day use but mom had her means.

I remember that day. It’s a little fuzzy but not to the point of being unclear. I was sitting on the floor of my bedroom, which is completely not anything remotely princess-like. I had large sheets of paper strewn about the room and I was drawing. It’s all I can think of as to why there were papers everywhere. I don’t remember having crayons or anything else near me, but it was a long time ago, so it’s not all that surprising that these details escape me.

What I do recall, though, is that one not-so-passing thought that there was someone or something else in the room with me. I’m sure that like many other kids, I had imaginary friends for a short portion of my life. I was talking to that imaginary friend—they were very real to me back then, I’m sure—and telling them that it didn’t make sense that they were asking me for help, how silly! They had so much more magic than they knew what to do with, so why ask me at all?

I suppose that my imagination might not have been in such a bad place while I still had access to roaming. Before I ruined it all by heading out whenever I felt like it without always telling my parents. I know that I shut down a little after that, though not so much from that, more because of that one incident with Grey. He was right in his own way but all I’d ever wanted was to see mom smile, I remember that much.

It’s all right, though, it’s all in the past by now. There was offered forgiveness, we’ve long since left that part of our past behind and I don’t spend much time thinking about any of it.

Now and again, much like recent memory that cropped up, the past will indeed come about, but that’ll be just about it. It does no harm to think back on these moments, at least, briefly so. I just don’t see the point in spending too much time thinking about these things. They’re not going to change my life, in the end.

I think that the only time when I really just don’t mind these little blips of memories is when I do think that they might help me figure out new scents for the soaps and oils. For the most part, I try to keep these scents subtle, when someone wants something that’s really out there, we’ll do that for that particular request, but I don’t think it happens all that often.

In a way, I don’t think I was very surprised the first time I stepped into the shop and didn’t find anything really outrageous, as far as these scents are concerned. It’s not such a bad thing. I don’t really know anyone that likes to smell like pink bubble gum, after all. I mean, it’s possible there’s someone but that’s a request I’ve never had.

Well, I suppose I did ask for a challenge, but I think I’ll come to regret it.

 
Timeline/World: Through the Looking Glass – Atheria 3rd Generation
Characters: Sofia Lauroyal
Race: Halfling – Elf (moon) / Human
Age: 45, physically about 24
Final Word Count: 698 words
 

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A few weeks ago I told myself that I would try something new. That something new so happened to be knitting and I promised myself that I’d make my mom something for Christmas. Now, looking at things, Christmas is a long time away so I have time, right?

Maybe.

As it turns out, knitting is hard.

I’m more than a little aware that knitting might not be hard for everyone but it’s turning out to be really hard for me. I have a hard time wrapping my mind around all of the different stitches and no matter how much I prepare and how often I reread the pattern, I get lost halfway through the first row. I drop stitch, I double some, I don’t do the right stitch at the right place and I’ve had to start over about ten times.

Am I giving up? It’s tempting. You have no idea how tempting it is but, at the same time, I feel like giving up would be a bad thing. I don’t want to give up on something I’ve so recently started on, something I told myself I could manage and would learn, no matter what.

So, a few days ago, I’ve actually changed the pattern I was using. I moved from trying to make a shirt, to trying to make a shawl and, if that doesn’t work, I’ll opt for something simpler like a scarf.

The pattern I found for the shawl stated it was for beginners and I did find several videos of how to do all of the stitches it asks for, so I think I’m going to manage. At least, I’d like to think I should manage. I knew I wanted some sort of challenge, something that I wouldn’t manage to learn in just a few hours and master over the course of a while longer but I’m really starting to think I’m going to regret picking this hobby.

The thing is, the more I look at what the finished product should look like, the more I tell myself that I do absolutely want to be able to get it done because it would be gorgeous. It would be gorgeous only if I manage to finish it properly without dropping half a dozen stitches along the way. The work in it feels so delicate that there are times when I think I might end up ripping the yarn if I tug a little too hard.

As a starter, though, I picked up thicker yawn and a project with almost all of the same stitches and I’ve been practising on that. Once I feel more confident in my ability to not screw everything into oblivion and make a mess of it all, I’ll take my sample yarn ball of the lighter weight and try it again with all the different stitches to see how well I manage and once that part is done, I’ll try my hand at the shawl again.

If I really, just really can’t manage, I’ll have to turn to oils, most likely. I know that Orazio still runs the one shop but I’ve actually been helping him with it all a bit. I’ve discovered myself an affinity with soap making and bath oils creating and it’s actually been nice. I like figuring out nice smells and scents for people to discover and for the longest time, I didn’t really think I’d find an outlet for all of that. I had so many in that one room at the house. I guess that finding yourself isn’t always mess-free but it’s always an interesting discovery.

Still. I’m going to be putting all of my efforts into making this shawl for mom because she deserves it. I’ve already found something for dad for Christmas and while it isn’t fully handmade, it is heavily personalized so I figure that might do well for a gift too. At times, you have to figure that it’s in the little things more than in the big ones but every now and again, a little more effort goes a long way and this is my plan for their gifts this year. We’ll see how it all goes.

Nothing has helped me more than you have.

 
Timeline/World: Atheria – 3rd Generation
Characters: Sofia Lauroyal
Race: Halfling – Elf (moon) / Human
Age: 44, physically about 24
Final Word Count: 592 words
 

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At times, there’s that one thing that happens to you that, while it’s happening, you hate every moment of it but later on, once it’s pretty far behind you, you realize that while you hated it while it happened, it still was one of the best things that could have happened to you.

There is one big event that remains with me that I know changed my life, one event that, without it, I wouldn’t be here, I just know it.

It’s hard to let that moment in my life go. I know that, as it happened, it was one of the biggest things I had issues with but I was also struggling back then, I needed an outlet and wandering out and about without telling anyone where I was going was just that one thing.

So sure, being told I was being stupid for what I was doing hurt. It made me resent him, it made me wish a whole world of things and yet, at the same time, it was for my own good. It changed me and without him, I wouldn’t be where I am now.

Do I remind him of this as often as it crosses my mind? I do. It wasn’t a pleasant moment in our lives but I’m so grateful to him that I can’t help but let him know, in the end. It has brought us to where we are now, so why should I refrain from thinking about it?

You know what they say, the truth comes out of the mouth of the children and there is no denying that.

As children, I believe that we don’t have as much of a filter as we do as adults. Not that everyone has a filter. I know a few people who still say everything that crosses their minds, regardless of whether or not this might hurt other people. I suppose that might not matter much, in the end.

All of this because I found an old journal I kept when I was younger. It doesn’t feel like I’ve already spent more than forty years on this planet, forty years alive. Some of these years were not always happy ones but most of them are host to wonderful memories that I cherish because they’re memories of time I’ve spent with him. He’s my everything; I don’t think I would function so well without him in my life.

The idea of children has crossed my mind once, maybe twice, but then I dismiss it as something I feel as though I’m no ready for yet. I might be into my forties but I know I don’t look that old and I don’t feel that old. That’s one of the pluses of my mixed bloodline and the eternity shield floating above our heads, keeping all of us more or less immortal.

We have our whole lives ahead of us, long, immortal lives to think about children or not. I’m just trying to imagine what it would be like if there was another baby boom of sorts the way there was one when the Dark Years came to an end. There would be just so many of us roaming around, I don’t know what that would be like. The town would likely need to grow in size again and the idea just feels odd to me, I don’t know.

Not that it really matters, not right now. I’m happy with still being able to discover what my life is all about and that’s all I want at this point.

Just take it one day at a time.

Timeline/World: Atheria 3rd Generation
Characters: Sofia Lauroyal
Race: Halfling – Elf (moon) / Human
Age: 42, physically about 24
Final Word Count: 552 words

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Growing up was… difficult. By my own doing, when you look at it from this particular angle but I didn’t really know that back then, I didn’t understand. All I wanted was to bring my mother flowers, to bring things that would make her smile. I really didn’t think I was doing anything wrong, I wasn’t wandering far but I tended to not tell my parents where I was going so my coming back, flowers or otherwise, tended to result in grounding. Not that it happened often but often enough.

Cue my first meeting with Grey, he’d been so sweet and I’d been in the beginning stages of a cold. I’d gone out the day before to get flowers for my mother but it had started raining so I’d had to call it quits and come back inside. We talked, he helped me with the flower but… upon the elevator opening up to my floor, he told me he couldn’t be friends with someone whose habits of wanting to make someone smile would get them in trouble and grounded.

His words had a profound effect on me. Of course, the fact that I had the beginning of a fever from the cold settling itself into my system helped too. I never went out on my own again, actually, I never went out anymore unless it was necessary. I spent two years in my room, so to speak. I went to daycare on the day I had to, I did whatever was expected of me, I picked up the flower that was left for me every day but I stayed in my room until he came to ask me if I wanted to spend some time outside with him.

I don’t know that we’ve ever discussed how deeply his words affected me. I know it wasn’t his words alone but they still were marking. I don’t blame him for saying these things and they make plenty of sense now, they made plenty of sense back then but I couldn’t see it. If we ever were to have children, I’d like to impart that particular knowledge to them in some way. I just really don’t know what it was in my brain that refused to see this particular point in any clear light.

I know I just wanted to make my parents happy by bringing in pretty flowers, but it was always that touchy little part where I had to ask permission to step outside or even just tell them I was stepping outside. That part is the problem I always had, the sneaking out thing, I don’t even know how it started or why it started at all. After my fateful meeting with Grey though, I just focused on getting through things one day at a time and not thinking too hard about anything else.

If he hadn’t come to my door two years later, I don’t think I would be where I am now. I honestly don’t really know where I would be at all. I was turning into a hermit and not all things hermit are good things so I’m glad we worked out our differences, I’m glad and happy and just feeling blessed to be where I am now in life and in a way, it is thanks to him.